kaxenji

It has been 3 weeks of teaching. Just three weeks. If you take off the time taken away for administrative tasks, it's actually much less than 3 weeks. Surely, we should not feel like escaping yet? Still, that was how I felt at the end of last week. I was tired, I was disheartened - the Chinese New Year break had never looked so inviting. Thus, it was with a sense of relief, and niggling guilt, that I welcomed the CNY break.

Now, roughly a week of break has somewhat rejuvenated me. I still feel woefully inadequate, and I do not know whether classes after CNY will be any better. Still, I have hope. Hope that the students will not give up. Hope that the students will stay in class. Hope that the students will try to listen to what they hear as a string of random sounds, and try to read what they see as random squiggles on the board. That is all I ask, that the students try. It saddens me that some of them no longer want to, their motivation wilted by neglect and criticism.

There is so much more I want for my students, but I constantly have to remind myself: Baby steps, baby steps. One thing at a time. I try to focus on what is right, rather than drown myself in what is wrong. The danger of being overwhelmed is ever on the horizon.

I am so afraid of letting the students down.

Fellows, the battle has just begun.

Looking at my userpic right now, I feel that it is PERFECT for illustrating the way I feel. But before I get into the gist of things, let me backtrack so I don't leave whoever is still reading my journal in a fog of confusion. =]

Hi y'all! Remember that phone interview I had in July? (If not, just scroll down 2 entries back XP.) Well, to make a long story short, I was accepted, and am now a proud member of the Teach for All network. So, for the last 6 weeks or so, I've been up on a mountain (Genting, for those of you who know it) for a training institute. It has been a crazy 6 weeks. 6 weeks of ups and downs, of late nights and early mornings, of too much to do and too little time, of new friendships and new experiences, and of lessons taught and lessons learned. I joined knowing teaching would be challenging, but I admit that I would never have guessed how much.

And that pretty much sums up why I'm so tired. I had my first proper night of sleep in days last night, and still my body feels kinda exhausted. *nods at sleepy cat pic* I feel you.

As for the odd grammar (in the title of this entry), you will see more of it in the months to come. I have been assigned to teach next year at Kuala Selangor, along with 2 other Fellows (what we are called as teachers of Teach for Malaysia). My fellow Fellows (ha) are Rubi and Wen. I'll quote the 2 of them right now so you all can get a glimpse of their character. ^___^

Rubi says: "I iz ninja cat! Shh! I iz ninja-ing."
Wen says: "I'm shy."

We are going to have so much fun together. XD

She peeks around the virtual corner...... The place hasn't changed. Blocks of words are still posted with varying stages of regularity, infused with a dizzying range of information, and sometimes heavy doses of emotion. Ah~ the harbor of her thoughts.

Speaking of which, her thoughts, her "ships" have been wandering the seas for too long. There had been storms and turbulent waters, both foreseen and unforeseen, which had peppered her journey and waylaid the ships. But now, there is calm, and a few of her solitary ships nose their way tentatively back into the long neglected harbor.

Jumping off from the deck of one of her ships, she goes looking for the ships of her friends. How have they fared, she wonders, while she's been away. Have their fleets grown bigger and grander? Has their crew gained new faces? Curious, she flits from one friend's shipyard to another's until she feels she has been reacquainted. Seeing the changes time has wrought, she feels a pang of regret for the moments that she missed sharing with her friends. Each nick on a hull a consolation she did not give, each colored flag a triumph she did not celebrate.

She shakes it off. She is here now, with a full berth of belated feelings, but present. She raises a small colored flag of her own, surveys the harbor over the steering wheel of her newest ship, and smiles.

I can't believe I'm leaving back for Malaysia in 2 days.

So many last minute plans, so little time.

So many things to pack, so little baggage space.

Loose ends fluttering galore......

Gah.

 Well, for better or worse, my first ever phone interview is over. OVER, as in I should not, will not, shall not, think about it anymore. Yes, getting on that. (Thank you if you silently wished me luck somewhere deep in your hearts, lurker friends and readers. =] )

So, just to wrap everything up once and for all (at least until August), I decided to finish the follow-up web assessment required today. It was actually pretty fun, with a bunch of not-so-commonly encountered questions. Here's hoping the assessment plays a bigger part in the selection process. *wishes fervently*

That aside....... I fed my Psych obsession today by trawling the net for fanfics. I was originally just looking for something that would let me reconnect with the quirky, much-beloved Psych characters, but of course, with fanfiction, it would be strange to not be hit by a curve ball or ten. XP And that's how I found myself being introduced to the cringe-worthy coined phrases of "Shassie", "Shary", and "Lary", and reading through way many more pineapple references than I ever thought possible. You've just got to love fanfiction. XD

It isn't definite as of now, but I think I may have a phone interview later on today. My nerves are killing me!

Since finding out last night, there was first pleasant surprise, and then panic (for missing the response deadline - who the heck gives less than a day to respond to an important email?!), and now I'm in a state of waxing-and-waning anxiety, and have been since last night. Will I still be interviewed? If not, then what? If YES, then what?! I haven't been officially interviewed before. *jitters*

My poor brain, already dizzy from consecutive nights of not enough sleep, just did not know how to handle this. It tried though. So hard. *pets brain* Last night, I just couldn't sleep. To distract me, my brain started reviewing my Spanish lessons with me, even making me count to a hundred in Spanish. When that didn't work (if anything, it just made me less sleepy), it helpfully started belting RENT songs at me. And then, it short-circuited. The Spanish reviews and RENT songs became interspersed.

BRAIN: Yo se, tu conoces, vosotros conoceis......
BRAIN: *sings* Will you light my candle~
BRAIN: Nosotros conocemos, El/Ella conoce, Ellos conocen.....
BRAIN: *sings* How we gonna pay~ how we gonna pay~
Me: ........

By 1:00 a.m., I felt that enough was enough. I pried myself out of bed and went to grab a hot cup of Milo. I shared my misery with Z. Then I valiantly went back to bed. I tried not to think of anything at all this time, and just focused on breathing. It must have worked, for I slept.

Still, you can see that the nerves are not gone. The butterflies woke me at 7:00 a.m. Writing this post is a good distraction since all my flatmates are still asleep. I'm glad I'm going out today; just sitting at home will seriously drive me batty. Let my suffering not be in vain......*crosses fingers* please call, please call, please call. Wish me luck, y'all.

Oh megyal, you and your dastardly gecko have reminded me of lizarding tales of my own. XD

Malaysia, like any other tropical country, has its fair share of buggy and reptilian menaces. Sure they may be essential to maintain the balance of the ecosystem, and oh yes they are certainly unique creatures in their own right, but most humans would much prefer if they enjoy their uniqueness outside the four walls of home.

Before my family moved to the much elevated condo we are living in now, our home was host to a multitude of regular household pests. Cockroaches, lizards, and mosquitoes were most common, but I'm sure there must have been a rat or two hiding somewhere in the neighborhood as well. We treated them as we perceived them - trespassers on our territory. (I'm sure you could start of a whole argument on this point right here - are they truly the trespassers? - but let's just ignore that can of worms for now.) Upon discovery, we did not hesitate to whip out the bug spray, broom, or slippers, whatever was handy at the time. When possible, Mom's weapon of choice for lizards was the vacuum cleaner - the wriggly reptile would be kept at arm's length, and suctioned away with no fuss.

You think you know most of the acronyms out there, until you stumble across one that stumps you completely. Or well, you finally figure out what it means, and can't help but smile bemusedly. Case in point: BSOD. Any guesses, people? It's computer related. *hint hint*

BSOD = Blue/Black Screen of Death
(refers to the state where a computer's screen turns blue/black and becomes entirely unresponsive)

I stumbled across this while researching a laptop I was interested in purchasing, and my mind just ran off with it. Seriously, we use so many acronyms these days in a very matter of fact manner, so much so that sometimes we even forget the original phrase. And thus are new words created. (Speaking of which, how many of you know that "scuba" was once an acronym? It stands for "Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus". XD)

I know my parents complain about not understanding the text messages from my sister sometimes, due to the our generation's tendency of using way too many abbreviations and acronyms than is advised. It was an interesting conversation in which we (my siblings and I) taught my parents some of the more common acronyms. On the list was:

LOL - Laugh Out Loud
BRB - Be Right Back
GTG - Got to Go

That aside, here are some acronyms I have found to be some source of confusion for people: